A Math Problem. Kinda.

To all my ladies out there.

I has a question!

Hang on.

You menfolk might possibly deal with the phenomenon that I am about to describe but, and here I mean no offense, not that you would be offended, I highly doubt that you deal with it all that much.

But weigh in* if'n you want to. I mean, golly, the other night, when I was out all by myself on Mother's Day, wandering the shoe aisle at Target, and happened upon a pair of verysexyshoes, I took a picture of those v.s.s's on my feet and posted it on Twitter asking people what they thought. I received a lot of lovely lady responses and a couple from some menfolk.

One of the menfolk was very forthright in his opinion. He said,

"If there is separation between the heel and the sole (so it doesn't look like straight platforms) yes, esp with a skirt."

Well done, sir! Well done indeed!

Jeezy Chreezy. Have you spied any rabbits on this trail I just went down?

Look! There's Alice!

"Alice! Remember to grab the key BEFORE you drink the stuff out of the bottle that says, 'Drink Me'!".

Or wait, was it eat the cake...

"Or maybe it's the cake! Aw, heck just stick the dang key in your pocket before you imbibe or ingest ANYTHING!"

C'mon everyone.

Back over this way.

Obviously my mind is addled from the mental taxation of trying to keep a certain two year old from shoving avocado up the dog's nose.

What I was orignally going to ask you is - and now that I've come this far it seems stupid to write but...

How is it that I have lost 2 lbs and yet feel fatter?

What the crap-a-doodle-doo is that nonsense?

And gosh darn it I didn't LOSE those 2 lbs. I beat them off with a proverbial baseball bat and sent them home crying to their momma.**

Huh. <----- (An indignant one at that)

Lose my ass. Well, I wish.


You know what I mean.

So what is this? A weird form of math?

My weight - 2 lbs - my emotional outlook - bloating? + 64 oz of water + darling frock - looked better in it last week + the desire for brownies but not actually eating any ________________________________ I think I look fatter even though I'm not

Can anyone explain this in a way that won't make me want to scowl at you?


"Mirrors should think longer before they reflect."

Jean Cocteau

*HA! Now that you've read this far, and know what the post is about, I can now say, "No pun intended."

**Not that I condone beating anything with a baseball bat, especially if that anything/one is of the age that it would still run home, crying, to its mother. You know. Unless it happened to be a roach. Then, I say, swing away. Gleefully. Yelling, "DIE EVIL FIEND!"