Currently my ankles are crossed in my very-much-falling-apart-but-I-don't-care-because-hell-they-are-comfortable-and-so-therefore-I shall-walk-around-in-them cowboy boots as I sit here at my desk at Usedfilm Studios. Mumford and Sons are playing in the background and Zack and Dan are talking about a website that has pictures on it shot by a person who does a thing that is cool. You know, like they do. It is good to be back here in the studio.
Zack and I ventured out from our house today for the first time since Sunday morning. In case you aren't up to date on the nuances of Southern weather, we had a big ol' snow storm hit us late Sunday night. Up to a foot of snow in North Georgia. We had at least 5 inches here in Decatur and, for us, that's a big deal. On Twitter there were hashtags of #snowpocalypse and #hothtlanta and #SnowMG. Then, because we have about 20 salt trucks in the entire STATE all the roads became icy and criz-azy because the snow kinda melted just in time for everything to freeze again. I'm sure all you people out there who are used to snow would have a grand ol' laugh at the expressions of us perplexed Southerners as we attempt to navigate this foreign substance known as ice.
"ARGH! This stuff? I recognise this stuff. This belongs in a glass! To cool off a DRINK."
Check out this link for a laugh... Hothlanta
And this guy ice skating down Peachtree Street.
Loretta was calling my name, which is rare. Well, actually, it isn't rare, it's just that I've been ignoring her in order to take care of other things. The one time I actually had time on my hands to go play, however, she was covered in snow and far too cold. So I took a picture of her from the bathroom window.
The fact that I haven't played in Loretta in months and that I haven't touched my piano in nearly the same amount of time is another post altogether. Every time I begin to look in the direction of those topics I get all twitchy and sad and anxious.
One of my very best friends, Kara, from Vancouver, was here in town last week and flew out the DAY BEFORE we were snowed in. I won't go into the details of why Kara was here, only to say that it involves her health and an insurance company that directly correlates to an accident that Phoenix, she and I were in in June of 2006. An idiot woman decided to turn left in front of us, which is usually a fine idea, if you turn when you still have TIME. Not, "Let's see...that car is very nearly here so I shall turn NOW."
Needless to say, Kara sustained an injury to her jaw and the idiot lady insurance company has put her through the wringer for it.
I ended up explaining far more than I intended to.
Kara is just brilliant. She's the kind of friend who has stuck with me through EVERYTHING. She's the kind of friend who, because she is friends with me, gives me hope for myself. You know? Do you have a friend like that? Kind of like,
This person is wonderfully wonderful. This person is my friend. Voluntarily. This person has not once said, "You are too much. You are icky. Your stuff is too much." This could quite possibly mean that I am actually alright. I am, by default, not so bad.
Do you know what I mean?
While Kara was here she listened to me download everything I didn't know I needed to download until I did. A couple of questions from Kara and out it came.
Most of my stress came from the feeling of utter chaos in my head. So. Much. To. DO. Where to start? So, Kara, in her way, sat me down and made me prioritize and then mapped out 24 hours in a day and helped me figure out how to manage it. Without feeling like a failure.
I wept later on that night, after we had all gone to bed. It meant so much to me to have the fury and chaos in my head wrangled and roped in and branded onto a piece of paper. Now manageable. No longer running around wild up in there.
I'll let you know how it goes.
In other words, thanks to those of you who have written to know why I haven't been blogging. The answer is simply that I've been too depressed and overwhelmed and haven't felt that I had anything worth saying. That and because when I do have time to write it's on for the book I'm working on.
Peace. Peace. Peace. Peace with myself. Perfectionism will be the undoing of me if I don't learn how to be kind to myself.
In other other words I love my Zack Arias. The man drives me INSANE sometimes but he still melts me when he walks into a room and that, my friends, is saying something.
"The human story does not always unfold like a mathematical calculation on the principle that two and two make four. Sometimes in life they make five or minus three; and sometimes the blackboard topples down in the middle of the sum and leaves the class in disorder and the pedagogue with a black eye."