On a scale of 1 to Proverbs 31 woman...

...I am hovering somewhere around...


That is, if the number 31 meant BEST. Like going to 11.

Which I know it doesn't work that way, the numbers are supposedly supposed to numerically number the many wise wisdoms of Solomon.

I had a lot of fun with that sentence just now.

What I want to know is...

When his wife read this, assuming that she could read given her station and such in life, did she concur?

"Let's see...worth is far above jewels, yes that's nice, I like that...good not evil...yes, true too, well, there WAS that time I stuck my cold feet on your back but that wasn't really EVIL evil...(reading) Looks for wool and flax? It's been a while, you know I am really not fond of the feel of wool, it makes my skin crawl, I told you this.... Aw! Thanks for the shout out about the vineyard, babe. I wasn't sure it was going to work but it's come along quite well..."


I found a website where the different verses were broken down into what they mean in single words and here is what a description of the Proverbs 31 woman looks like:

Works Joyfully
Goes the extra mile to get the best goods
Good with money
Manages her home
God fearing

Um. *raises hand* How many of you ladies look at that and think, "I need a drink."


Yeah, me neither.

I think I can say that I have just a few of those attributes. Sometimes. But never, NEVER at the same time. For instance, I don't think that I have ever been poised and elegant in my life. I tried once and I'm pretty sure I fell down.

My friend, Jessica Tilley-Hodgman, wakes up every morning and BAM is already poised and elegant. What am I even saying? She prolly sleeps poised and elegantly too. ;-) She'd make the perfect sleeping princess for a prince to find and lay a wet one on her. And by wet one I mean a kiss, not a wet WIPE. Although now I'm cracking up at the mental image of a prince gazing down at his beautiful princess, whilst birds and small rodents and a male and female deer, who have nothing better to do, watch as he gently lays a wet one/wipe over her face..or maybe not, maybe not her face, maybe he's polite and just drapes it over her knee...the music swells...

But I digress.

More than digress, that wasn't a rabbit trail, that was a...mole hill. We all just got stuck under a rock or something.


My point to this WHOLE POST was to say that I am actually okay with being a Proverbs 24 woman at the moment. There are rare moments where I feel like I'm even attaining say, 30.5 and I look around and my house is picked up and I'm dressed in something lovely and I have make-up on AND shaved legs and pits and my kids are angelic and the laundry is in process (never done, I have learned. It will never be done, it's just a clothes purgatory, a never ending story of cotton, linen, rayon and other synthetic fibers forever...) and emails are caught up on and I've played the piano or the guitar and made Zack laugh and dinner is cooking and just everything feels marvelous for about 2 whole minutes.

I do wish old Solomon had thought to put in stuff like a sense of humour,

"Wittiness and silly voices frequently pour forth from her mouth,
Her children laugh at her antics and rise up and call her hysterical."

Or that he mentioned something about her being spontaneous and building a fire in 90 degree weather.

He could've written something like,

"She is spontaneous and joyful, and doesn't let stuff get all swirly in her head and make her feel like a crazy person with trying to get it all done AND be an awesome mom and wife...and she...still fears the Lord blesses the blessings and stuff..."

He'd make it much more succinct and to the point.

Blah dee bloo.

I wonder if someone read that chapter aloud to her, maybe it was Solomon himself and she thought,

"I appreciate the sentiment but damn that's a lot to live up to."

Did she exist? Or was "she" merely the ideal to attain?

I dunno. I do know that I do want to be all of those things. And I do want to be at least 5 of those characteristics at the same time sometimes.

I'm working on it.

So...anyone with me on this? Or are the internet crickets chirping and all of you are suddenly remembering that thing you gotta go do?


I think this Chesterton quote is hilarious...

"Variability is one of the virtues of a woman. It avoids the crude requirement of polygamy. So long as you have one good wife you are sure to have a spiritual harem." ~ G.K. Chesterton, Alarms and Discursions, 1910