I just wanted to pop in here and let you know that I haven't forgotten about this blog at all.
That's not true.
Yes I did.
I'm currently living in a whirlwind, which is interesting, because I have had absolutely NO prior training for such a phenomenon.
As I type this Zack is going through and double checking everything he has to pack for Dubai. He leaves tomorrow. Ugh. He'll be gone until the 7th of April and I am going to miss him like...like...someone would miss someone they loved dearly who was on the other side of the world.
I have 4 weeks and 5 days left until this boy in my belly is due to arrive. This is not a lot of time. I have a lot to do. I'm having him at home and there is a bit of preperation necessary beforehand to make sure it goes smoothly. For instance, I still have some drop cloths to buy from Home Depot!
Then there is this other something that has been weighing on me so very, very heavily. It is the slow degeneration of my hearing. I haven't wanted to talk about it, or write about it, or think about it or deal with it at all. I've had ear problems my whole life, since I was very young. I had more ruptured ear drums than I can count. According to my dad my mother had bad ears, too. So, add that to the list of things my mother gave me. Muscular calves that do not play well with cute boots, a wrinkle in between my eyebrows, pale skin that does the burny thing in the sun, a ridiculously horrible temper, and bad ears among other things.
I finally broke down a couple of weeks ago, crying and producing all kinds of fun mucousy moments and told Zack that I thought I might have lost the hearing in my right ear completely. He demanded that I go to the doctor. NOW.
So on Monday I finally went to the ENT. I almost turned around 3 times. I was that scared. I was that willing to maintain my willing suspension of disbelief.
My fears were confirmed that things weren't getting better. They were getting worse.
I've lost pretty much all of the hearing in my right ear and have to get fitted for a hearing aid. And not even the kind that fits discreetly in my ear. No, I'll get the kind that hangs out on the outside of my ear in order to get the best...reception? Sound quality?
It'll look a little something like this.
I still can't believe that this is real.
After the baby is born I'll have to have surgery on my left ear to see if they can save the hearing in that ear as I have already started to lose hearing there as well.
I cannot begin to express how much this terrifies me.
Typing all of this feels surreal and terrible because it means that it IS REAL.
I have always said that I would rather be blind than deaf. I would rather have no limbs. I would rather not be able to speak. As long as I could HEAR.
If you pray I could use it.
When I was 12 years old I was cast in a play with Stage Door Players called Stone Soup. I was the youngest member of the cast playing the oldest character in the play.
I could do the best old lady voice. Playing a woman who was hard of hearing.