The Will to Live and Living Wills

It's noon o'clock and yet I am still groggily ensconced in my owl print pajama bottoms, a sleeve of fig newtons to my left, grey skies up above and a labradoodle puppy lovingly licking my right foot. I wish I could find a way to justify staying this way all day. To not leave the house. To remain in a blissfully irresponsible and lazy state. Play the piano, have some hot tea, let my fingers trail over the spines of my books until one of them catches me by the hand and asks to be read. My house is quiet.


The click clack of Gracie's nails across the floor and the lapping, nay...the sloshing of her drinking water. The sound of my heartbeat in my ears. My breath going out and coming in again. ( So grateful for breathing now knowing what Martin is going though) The slight high ringing noise, a case of tinnitus I have, in my right ear. That's it.

It's glorious.

Oh 2009. What will you bring? 2008 was fraught with all manner of amazing, stressful, overwhelming moments. 10 years of living, it felt like, packed into one year. A lot of travel, marriage, moving into a new house, more traveling, pregnancy, the loss of Craig, blending a family, trying to find a church, severe illness in Zack's dad, getting a new dog, selling and buying a car, being newlyweds.

I'm exhausted.

Zack and I stayed up way too late last night discussing, and then starting, our living wills and last will and testament. Really uplifting and fun stuff to talk about. We found out that there are still double lots available in the northeast corner of the historic Decatur cemetary where we live and that we can get a pair for 3K each. So 6K for the two of us to be buried side by side in the city we call home. Zack made the morbid joke of, "Gosh, in the meantime, for six grand can we have parties there? And picnics?" Seeing his dad, Martin, in ICU has had a huge impact on Zack. Thus one of the reasons he's become obsessed with making his will. Talking about what each of us would want should we end up in the hosptial and beyond hope of recovery.

Zack just brought me a Nutty Irishman coffee drink from Chocolaté. And a ham and cheese croissant.

I am loved.